Stephen Colbert for FC Dallas fan president.

By: Robert | March 14th, 2008

Last year I tried to get an attractive famous Dallas resident to be the official FC Dallas celebrity fan. I got all the way to a meeting with the people of Playmate Amber Campisi (she has clothes in this picture) before they decided against it. This year I’m swinging for the fences, Stephen Colbert for FC Dallas fan president! He wants to be president; I’m going to give him the position. Read the letter after the jump then click the link to sign the petition. Be a part of something from the grassroots, we’re like Barack Obama, we didn’t win Texas either (ugh, I don’t like Houston).

Mr. Colbert,

I am writing on behalf of FC Dallas fans worldwide. Please allow me a moment to answer your questions about that opening statement: FC Dallas is a team in Major League Soccer (MLS) and yes the fan base can be considered worldwide. There are planes, we can buy tickets; just last November I was in Costa Rica, so I think that counts.

I would like to extend to you an offer of president of all FC Dallas fans. FC Dallas is a club filled with a long and rich tradition of playing in obscurity. For years we’ve sat behind the Cowboys, Mavericks, Texas Rangers, Dallas Stars, College Football, College Basketball, High School Football, Golf and NASCAR, as the Dallas media has ignored FC Dallas, Frisco, Texas’ best MLS team.

But before you decide to graciously accept this position, allow me to impart on you some thoughts. It is well known that soccer is a world game and as president of one of the few MLS teams to make money you can claim leadership of a fiscally responsible world entity (take that French President Nicolas Sarkozy). It has also been well reported that Englishmen David Beckham has recently joined the league as a member of the LA Galaxy, a rival squad. With his arrival I don’t think it’s too much of hyperbole to yell “The British are coming! The British are coming!” In these uncertain times we need a hero, a modern day Paul Revere, to awaken our nation to the threat of David Beckham’s un-All-American good looks and his ability to kick a ball around a wall of people standing in his way.

But more than British xenophobia (I want my royalty to be elected) you need just look at our team colors: red, white and blue, we are team America. I love America, you love America, Texas-born US President’s Eisenhower, Lyndon B. Johnson and George Bush’s persona (he’s actually from Connecticut) love America. By accepting this position you will be able to follow in their great footsteps. I do not worry about your ability to handle this position I believe you will be ready on day one, just like William Henry Harrison.

Stephen Colbert ’08!

So click the link and sign the petition because tonight in Dallas the FC stands for “Follow the Call.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

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