With a quality draw over the weekend FC Dallas is off to a solid start on the season. Yes we all would have liked to have walked away with full points from the contest but against a team many have picked to lift silverware this season 1 point will suffice (for now).

But that’s not the purpose of this post, thus far there has been only tepid support for the Stephen Colbert for FC Dallas fan president petition. Alot of doubt has been raised about my convictions to pursue Mr. Colbert. Many have read the petition only to say “its funny but…” and disregarded it as merely some joke created to entice readership and while I would love to
increase my page viewership, the petition is serious.

The most common question I’ve heard is “what do you hope will come of this?” But instead of crafting a beautifully detailed thesis on my thoughts and ideas I present to you a clip from the Colbert Report, watch for yourself and imagine the possibilities.

So tonight in Dallas we push forward because the FC stands for “For Colbert” as we march towards his presidency.

HOOPS PRIDE!

Mr. Colbert,

I am writing on behalf of FC Dallas fans worldwide. Please allow me a moment to answer your questions about that opening statement: FC Dallas is a team in Major League Soccer (MLS) and yes the fan base can be considered worldwide. There are planes, we can buy tickets; just last November I was in Costa Rica, so I think that counts.

I would like to extend to you an offer of president of all FC Dallas fans. FC Dallas is a club filled with a long and rich tradition of playing in obscurity. For years we’ve sat behind the Cowboys, Mavericks, Texas Rangers, Dallas Stars, College Football, College Basketball, High School Football, Golf and NASCAR, as the Dallas media has ignored FC Dallas, Frisco, Texas’ best MLS team.

But before you decide to graciously accept this position, allow me to impart on you some thoughts. It is well known that soccer is a world game and as president of one of the few MLS teams to make money you can claim leadership of a fiscally responsible world entity (take that French President Nicolas Sarkozy). It has also been well reported that Englishmen David Beckham has recently joined the league as a member of the LA Galaxy, a rival squad. With his arrival I don’t think it’s too much of hyperbole to yell “The British are coming! The British are coming!” In these uncertain times we need a hero, a modern day Paul Revere, to awaken our nation to the threat of David Beckham’s un-All-American good looks and his ability to kick a ball around a wall of people standing in his way.

But more than British xenophobia (I want my royalty to be elected) you need just look at our team colors: red, white and blue, we are team America. I love America, you love America, Texas-born US President’s Eisenhower, Lyndon B. Johnson and George Bush’s persona (he’s actually from Connecticut) love America. By accepting this position you will be able to follow in their great footsteps. I do not worry about your ability to handle this position I believe you will be ready on day one, just like William Henry Harrison.

Stephen Colbert ’08!

So click the link and sign the petition because tonight in Dallas the FC stands for “Follow the Call.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

Hi Robert,

Thanks in advance for your consideration.

Notice, I sent the email at 16:32:56 Central time (hence the -0500) and the first person to read the email, Matthew Lesher, forwarded it to Craig Schneider 18 minutes later, 2:50 Pacific time. He in turn forwarded 5 minutes later (2:55 Pacific) to Page Bingham who six minutes after that (5:01 Central time) politely told me “absolutely not.”

As soon as I got that response my first thought was “that’s way too quick.” So I had to look into what happened. I’m pretty sure Matthew Lesher actually read the email (I could be wrong but I tend to believe the best about people, even though this post is about me believing the worst.) But the short time for that email to bounce between two different people unless they are down the hall from each other doesn’t add up. No one in Hollywood is reading emails right away from people outside of Hollywood and responding to them ASAP, it doesn’t happen, they’ve got “important” things to do.

In my mind Craig and Page never read the email. I think what happened was that Matthew gave Craig the gist of the email and he in turn relayed a shell of Matthew’s comments to Page by saying something to the effect of “some website wants Amy to take a picture for them,” to which Page said “no” (which from that arguement is a logical response, until you remember she did have the actual email in front of her to read for herself.) Unless Amy Acker was sitting right there in front of Page Bingham when the email came in and FC Dallas jumped to the top of the list of things to discuss Amy never saw or heard a thing.

I don’t mind being told “no,” it’s going to happen; some people are going to think maybe this doesn’t bode well for their career or maybe something else. But at least lie to me and make it look like someone said something to someone. In this case Page Bingham played the role of the VIP bodyguard you’ve seen in so many movies:

Character A: I’m looking for (blank)
Bodyguard: (blank) isn’t here.
A: Yes he is, he’s over in the corner.
Bodyguard: (blank) isn’t available.

Page basically said to me “you can’t talk to her, I don’t care what you have to say, it doesn’t matter.” So we gotta move on, no one else has been as blatant in their quick dismissal so maybe we have a chance (although a pessimist would say “maybe you’re just getting ignored”) because this is Dallas where the FC stands for “Further Correspondence.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

1. Ricardinho apparently appeared at the Londoner to watch the second half of the FC Dallas game versus Colorado. He supposedly sat around, watched us take the lead, signed some autographs and cheered with the fans. He hasn’t even a played a minute for the team and yet he’s already won me over…and I wasn’t even there.

2. I sent out emails to representatives of Amber Campisi, Amy Acker, Parisa Fakhri and Kylah Kim today, we’ll see what responses I get. In case you forgot this was the basic letter I sent, I had to make some changes because I wasn’t writing directly to them but to their “people.”

More tomorrow, I would say “I promise” but who knows what the new day brings and I may have to post another ‘Free Kicks’ then as well, so whatever is a step below “promise,” that’s me, because this is Dallas where the FC stands for “frequent contributions.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

Secondly, I’d like to thank frequent reader Laurie from the LA Galaxy page for her comments on my most recent Free Kicks post. I’ll still make fun of anybody who says they hate Dallas but it’s good to know someone understands what I’m doing.

I told you I was going to work on a letter to send out on our search for a celebrity fan and here it is, read it, tell me what you think and I’ll send it out in a couple of days; remember it’s going to the non-porn stars first, although I’m going to include Playmate Amber Campisi in that group because she’s only had her picture taken while taking her clothes off for money not…well, you know. And considering I know a few women who would do the same if asked by the right people (read: Playboy) I’ll say there is a difference between the two. Anyways, here’s the letter (the parts in parenthesis are for you and not for the letter, I like to make side comments):

Dear …,

I am a writer for a highly rated blog (seriously, google “FC Dallas blog” and see where I pop up…although maybe I should include that fact) for the Major League Soccer team FC Dallas and I’m writing because we need your help. Recently Nelly Furtado has been seen in rival (not exactly a rival but I gotta sell this thing) DC United’s jersey and in July David Beckham and his wife, Posh Spice, will join the LA Galaxy. We fans of FC Dallas are looking for three Dallas natives to support our team and be our celebrity fans. Why three you ask? Because everything is bigger in Texas.

We’re not asking you to go out there and diss Nelly Furtado because we liked “Promiscuous” as well – although Posh Spice and “Spice World”…well, we won’t go there. (I’m shocked I knew the name of that album – or was that the movie?) What we would like to do is send you an FC Dallas scarf – scarves are big in soccer – have you take a couple pictures with it and send the pictures back (either through snail mail or email) so we could post them on the site. We’re not asking for anything fancy, a smile would more than suffice and you can keep the scarf as our “thank you” gift. There’s no need to worry about being affiliated with a decadent site; it’s a sometimes educational, sometimes funny and almost always irreverent site about our favorite soccer team. We don’t do nudity (Laurie will back me up here) or profanity, but we do need your help, to remind everybody that Dallas is the best. Thanks in advance!

So what do you think, is it good to go? Is there anything I should add or delete? Lemme know because this is Dallas, where the FC stands for “Full Cooperation.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

Also, for some reason there were some people who thought that all those women were porn stars, only some were; I thought that was clear but I guess not. But since I want to keep those concerns in mind, the first few people I’m going to ask to be a FC Dallas celebrity fan will be the non-porn stars. Although the question must be asked what do I do with Miss February 2005, Amber Campisi? She might be the most famous of all of them and she’s not a porn star but she did take off her clothes for money. I’m guessing this is a discussion question as well, for the record before someone gets upset that I have another “porn star discussion,” there are two different discussion points from this post because for some reason while this is Dallas, the FC stands for “frequently confused.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

Amy Acker, Amber Campisi, Tara Conner, Jessica Drake, April Ennis, Parisa Fakhri, Misty Giles, Katie Gold, Jersey Jaxin, Jacqueline Johnson, Kylah Kim, Christine Lakin, Tiffany Limos, J.J Nolan, Melanie Stone, Trinity James

So who do you like? And no, you can’t pick them all its time to make some decisions.

Our best bet is appealing to their sense of Texas-pride and going from there. I’m going to work on a letter to send out; I’ll post it here first and see if anyone has any suggestions. We’ll get this done, because this is Dallas, where the FC stands for “Full Confidence.”

HOOPS PRIDE!