While Morganna is currently “retired” I do have an idea on who can replace her, former California gubernatorial candidate and ex-porn star Mary Carey (not really a work-safe link). I can picture it now Dax McCarty lining up for a corner kick and out of the stands bounces Mary who plants one right on his check (Its gotta be the check for now because I’m not sure he’s old enough to be kissed on the lips and have that not be considered statutory rape). Anyways, the Hoops score a goal, the crowd goes wild and FC Dallas becomes the talk of the town.

And just for a point of fact, Mary Carey is not above kissing athletes in public, just ask backup Philadelphia 76ers forward Jason Smith.


Cheerleaders – Look, I’ll be honest I don’t know what the cheer is when the opposition goes offside but there’s gotta be something; besides Chivas USA is doing this already and many people are tipping them to win it all. Maybe there’s a small possibility that for some reason soccer cheerleaders equals on-field success. And its not like famous cheerleaders are foreign to the north Texas area because the Dallas Cowgirls might be bigger than any two cheer teams combined. Plus, you can even hire her, she seems up for the gig.

Ladies Night – If someone said there’s gonna be beer and a bunch of women wouldn’t you show up? So make it ladies half-off tickets or something like that and watch the guys follow. That is of course as long as these idiots don’t live near Dallas now.

How about those ideas? Do you have any of your own? Well put on your thinking cap because its time to make sure that from now on in Dallas the FC stands for “fervent cadre.”

HOOPS PRIDE!

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Today’s ideas:

Thunderstick giveaway – I know its not 2002 anymore but those things make a lot of noise and there have been times when outside of the loyal Inferno crowd its been pretty quiet. Thundersticks allow non-song and cheer knowing members of the crowd to join in with rhythm.

Get the San Diego Chicken – This guy is even older but in 2007 minor league attendance increased 27% when he was there. I know MLS isn’t a minor league but the Chicken still brings them home to roost (that was a terrible pun, I know)

Encourage a “Lambeau Leap” – Green Bay Packers players jump into the stands after every touchdown and nothing brings fans closer to the action than being able to touch the players. I won’t ascribe a 1:1 ratio to the situation but in Green Bay people leave spots in line to buy season tickets in their wills.

Play a game in the Cotton Bowl each year – I know Pizza Hut Park was built to keep the money “in house” but Frisco, TX is about 30 miles from Dallas and there are plenty of fans who just don’t want to make that trip. Playing an pre-season game or some sort of exhibition down in Dallas might entice to not forget that the team exists.

I don’t remember everything so maybe some of these ideas have been done before and maybe they haven’t, either way FC Dallas has one of the best stadiums in the league and no one comes to see it. So tonight in Dallas put on your thinking cap because the FC stands for “fervent cadre” and not much else.

HOOPS PRIDE!